Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thanks Volvo - But We're Not Ready Yet!!!

Srsly. No one is more ready for a car that stops itself when you forget to look in front of you than YOURS TRULY, who has been rear ended by idiots like 4011 times. And besides, a car that stops itself is going to make texting and driving sooo much easier! Clearly the world needs more of that! So again, thank you Volvo, but here's where you just need to squelch yourself and your fancy robot car. (If you don't see the video above, squelch yourself over to my blog to see it)

Things need to happen in a certain order. There is a bunch of stuff that needs to get fixed before our cars are stopping themselves. So stifle your mad Swedish car skills and get busy on this list, thank you very much. When you're done, I will buy your stoppie car. Shoot - i'll buy two!!

  1. Bus brakes - Not one single freaking time have I ever seen a bus stop without hearing the horrible screeching a dementor makes when he sucks your soul out. So, let me get this straight. I can buy a robot at Target that will vacuum my floor, Apple makes a laptop that is lighter than a Triscuit, and there are phones that know which way you're holding them and flip your pictures accordingly, and we have not yet mastered the things that stop the metal things with no seat belts that are rocketing America's children around our freeways. Yes, this makes sense. If you're mentally ill or hate children.
  2. Cell phones - I know we've had this conversation, but please - can they work? I saw Apollo 13. I know the reason people don't believe we landed on the moon. It's because the government would have us believe that Houston was talking to a poorly engineered tin can that required longhand math and gum to land on earth again THROUGH SOME DEVICE THAT ALLOWED COMMUNICATION ON THE MOON FREAKING MY WHOLE LIFE AGO, WHILE I CANNOT SPEAK WITH SOMEONE TWO MILES AWAY MOST OF THE TIME!!! Last night I was talking to my dear mother, and I went down a hill (not much of one) and we got cut off. If I'm understanding the technology correctly, my cell phone communication is delivered to me via satellites and towers. IF IT IS GOING TO SPACE TO CONNECT ME, WHAT THE HECK DIFFERENCE DOES A SIX FOOT HILL MAKE?? IT'S IN SPACE! This is clearly a conspiracy or terminal stupidity. Squelch yourself before you wreck yourself.
  3. Tags in clothing. Must we make them out of shards of glass? Two observations - if this is an attempt at marketing, then shut up. No one has ever looked at the tag in their shirt and said - I'm off to buy another one of THESE! My itchy neck LOVES the HECK out of some Tommy Bahama! Thank goodness the SKU number is right here for my convenience! Next - if you need to look at the tag to know how to wash something, please contact your mother and ask for a refund. She did not train you properly for life.
There are more, but these three should keep my friends at Volvo scurrying around for solutions so that we can get to the stoppie car.

In the meantime, please enjoy Rabbit Week's Thursday rabbit. He's reanimated from the pages of Martha Stewart Magazine. I borrowed his concept from Pine is Here. However, she has a different size circle or ovals than me. Every time I tried to lay his ears flat, he looked like a roach, I'm so not even kidding! So I curled his little ears around my bone folder and shazam - WABBIT!!

He has a tigery pom pom tail and googlie eyes.

Wanna see what I did with him? Better head over to Project Reanimate to see!!! And while you're at it, check out the post before it, where I made a Russian Icon out of a Doodle Factory creature.

I'm going to schedule another of my Google Reader Webinars in the next few weeks - to sign up - click the link at the end of this post!

Have you signed up for the UBlue Cyber Club? Attended one of my Webinars?? Come on - get your geek on! :)

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  1. OMG, but you are too funny! This sooo sounds like a string of rants I'd put on my B1tchin' blog.

    Two people who call me via cell lose their signals on certain streets or going around certain corners out in the country. I think they might be between cells (towers) and the hand-off is not so clean. Yeah, we really need to work on that!

    And ya know what?! As pesky as those tags may be, some of us with ... um ... difficult-to-fit bodies; those of us who find a pair of pants that FIT, then they get discontinued; those of us who scour the Internet for maybe one last pair of those pants that might exist on the planet; yeah, we look at the SKU number to do our searches. Sad, but true. Ask me how I know.

  2. Ahhhaaahhahah! I have been laughing so hard my tummy hurts! Do I get to skip the gym now? You are so dang funny Lydia Kydia!
    The only reason for tags is to distinguish between your children's clothing when they are so close in size that you can't tell by just looking when you are folding laundry-but Hanes has something good going on by having it silk screened on the shirt itself-nothing to itch, scratch or hang out for all to notice what size shirt you wear!
    thanks for the laugh! you are the best!

  3. someone who has been dealing with insurance companies for the last 5 years after both hubby and I (seperate accidents) were re-ended...I say BRING IT ON!!!
    In fact...there are some people who should only be allowed to buy this car in my humble opinion....

    Did I mention I dislike(mum said never to use the H word so I won't but I want to use it here) Insurance companies???

  4. LOL - go girl!

    I can't speak for the car that stops itself yet - need to get more info and form an opinion. BUT I can say that I love Volvos and how well they are made. Did you guys know that there is a real club out there of people who's lives were saved b/c of a Volvo (how well constructed it is)? Yup - and I am one person who is still here because I was in a Volvo when my whole front end got virtually shaved off when a young, stoopid driver zoomed through a VERY red light and hit me. I have pics of the totalled car (and it takes a LOT to total a Volvo - bodywise, at least) and every single person who has seen them says that they absolutely cannot believe that anyone walked away from that wreck.

    Now back to our regular scheduled programming.


  5. I am so with you on today's rants. It's ridiculous that we can talk to people on the moon, but I have to go out to the backyard to talk to my mum cause my phone won't work properly in the house!!!!
    And don't even get me started on itchy tags....the ones they put in the side seems of t-shirts are the worst....they drive me seriously bonkers...come on people...
    Anyway...enough ranting....your bunny is soooo cute. I've really enjoyed your bunny should do it more often :)


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