Srsly. No one is more ready for a car that stops itself when you forget to look in front of you than YOURS TRULY, who has been rear ended by idiots like 4011 times.
Things need to happen in a certain order. There is a bunch of stuff that needs to get fixed before our cars are stopping themselves. So stifle your mad Swedish car skills and get busy on this list, thank you very much. When you're done, I will buy your stoppie car. Shoot - i'll buy two!!
- Bus brakes - Not one single freaking time have I ever seen a bus stop without hearing the horrible screeching a dementor makes when he sucks your soul out. So, let me get this straight. I can buy a robot at Target that will vacuum my floor, Apple makes a laptop that is lighter than a Triscuit, and there are phones that know which way you're holding them and flip your pictures accordingly, and we have not yet mastered the things that stop the metal things with no seat belts that are rocketing America's children around our freeways. Yes, this makes sense. If you're mentally ill or hate children.
- Cell phones - I know we've had this conversation, but please - can they work? I saw Apollo 13. I know the reason people don't believe we landed on the moon. It's because the government would have us believe that Houston was talking to a poorly engineered tin can that required longhand math and gum to land on earth again THROUGH SOME DEVICE THAT ALLOWED COMMUNICATION ON THE MOON FREAKING MY WHOLE LIFE AGO, WHILE I CANNOT SPEAK WITH SOMEONE TWO MILES AWAY MOST OF THE TIME!!! Last night I was talking to my dear mother, and I went down a hill (not much of one) and we got cut off. If I'm understanding the technology correctly, my cell phone communication is delivered to me via satellites and towers. IF IT IS GOING TO SPACE TO CONNECT ME, WHAT THE HECK DIFFERENCE DOES A SIX FOOT HILL MAKE?? IT'S IN SPACE! This is clearly a conspiracy or terminal stupidity. Squelch yourself before you wreck yourself.
- Tags in clothing. Must we make them out of shards of glass? Two observations - if this is an attempt at marketing, then shut up. No one has ever looked at the tag in their shirt and said - I'm off to buy another one of THESE! My itchy neck LOVES the HECK out of some Tommy Bahama! Thank goodness the SKU number is right here for my convenience! Next - if you need to look at the tag to know how to wash something, please contact your mother and ask for a refund. She did not train you properly for life.
In the meantime, please enjoy Rabbit Week's Thursday rabbit. He's reanimated from the pages of Martha Stewart Magazine. I borrowed his concept from Pine is Here. However, she has a different size circle or ovals than me. Every time I tried to lay his ears flat, he looked like a roach, I'm so not even kidding! So I curled his little ears around my bone folder and shazam - WABBIT!!
He has a tigery pom pom tail and googlie eyes.
Wanna see what I did with him? Better head over to Project Reanimate to see!!! And while you're at it, check out the post before it, where I made a Russian Icon out of a Doodle Factory creature.
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