Sunday, August 6, 2017

Breaking News - about KETCHUP!

During my last retreat, there was great controversy. Since I do not allow news or politics at my retreats, we find other subjects to explore. And late one night, as we were flitting from one topic to the next, the dreaded and highly divisive subject of KETCHUP came up.

That's right. Ketchup. Nearly as divisive as subjects like mayonnaise and Keurig, ketchup conversations usually devolve into yelling and a high level of distrust for one another. This was no different.

The beginning of this story is contained in a confession from a prior retreat from my friend Dana that she hated ketchup. Not knowing that I was going to be destroying her entire universe, I told her she did not, in fact, hate ketchup, because the "fry sauce" at her beloved Raising Cane's is made with ketchup as is the "fry sauce" everywhere else in the free world. You would have thought I'd told her she had to spend three hours in a porta-potty. You could see her remembering eating this now hated substance willingly and innocently, while trying to remove her tongue with her mind. She was crushed. I didn't reveal that many, many foods, like BBQ sauce and a lot of asian sauces start with her mortal nightshade enemy sauce.

So this raw wound was opened at this retreat again, as the attendees started to discuss (and by that I mean yell about) the various applications where ketchup was and was not acceptable. Shouts of DENIED would follow anyone's terrible ketchup suggestions. Here's a short list:
  • Hot Dogs - ketchup is DENIED
  • Eggs - ketchup is DENIED
  • Steak - ketchup is DENIED - what the heck is wrong with you? This is why we can't have nice things.
  • Hamburgers - there were mixed feelings on this, mostly because of Wendy's and McDonalds. 
  • French fries - allowed, but only if you DIP, not pour ketchup all over your french fries like some kind of animal.
  • BBQ sauce - it's an essential ingredient, but if you have a ketchup-induced mental illness of some sort, you may tell yourself that it's tomato paste, vinegar and sugar instead. 
It was hysterically funny. Throughout the weekend, little packets of Whataburger ketchup (God's one true ketchup) would appear in Dana's crafty space and we'd hear her animated BWAHAHAHing.

Then yesterday - my friend Meg - God bless her little eyes - she posted a picture of EGGS sitting on top of JELLY that she was eating.

DENIED Meg. Eggs and jelly do NOT go together. 

However, through the hilarious comment thread that ensued, I realized something that makes everything  ketchup-related make sense. A shocking revelation.

ketchup is tomato jelly.

It is. You make ketchup the exact same way you make jelly. Add a fruit, some sugar, and something acidic. Boil it down. Stick it in a jar. Eat it on stuff.

You're welcome for me solving this case. It also PROVES beyond a shadow of a doubt, that jelly does NOT go on eggs. Not the tomato kind or any other kind. Neither does jelly belong on hot dogs or steaks.

Now speaking of tomato jelly - I just want to point you towards one of my favorite recipes - my yellow tomato jam I make with my homegrown tomatoes. Jam is a different process than jelly, so this is not a jar of ketchup. It's delicious.

So I made a card to calm you all down after that condiment controversy. I know you need to breathe.

Colorful Seasons is one of my favorite bundles! My grandparents had Adirondack chairs on their beautiful screened porch that looked out over Chesapeake Bay. I loved that house. And I love this die so much. It makes such peaceful cards.

I just did a watercolor galaxy background, and spattered it with pen white ink. The sentiment from the set is embossed with white embossing powder. Then I mounted it on Elegant Eggplant cardstock and put it on a white card base. You can't see it here, but the chair is cut from glossy cardstock, so it's shiny like a painted chair like my grandparents had. The specific Daniel Smith Watercolors I used are: Undersea Green, Payne's Grey, Verditer Blue and Imperial Purple (linked above).

This was fun and easy to make. It's good to have a card like this on hand for when someone's ketchup anxiety takes hold. It happens more often than you think.

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  1. I'm sorry but I couldn't get past the mentioning of disgusting mayonnaise. and then there is mustard. shudder. don't get me started. LOVE the card!!!

  2. LMAO! I would have PEED myself laughing over this! I did gag at eggs...... Christopher does that! Ketchup (NOT CATSUP #shudder) is mostly for potato items, hot dogs n burgers too!

  3. OK, here's one thing Ketchup is good for. Rub it on your tarnished silver, let it set for 5 or so minutes, wipe off. No harsh chemicals. Beautiful card!

  4. Okay, I have to disagree that ketchup is a jelly. It's a sauce. There's no pectin in it to create the requisite texture. Also, tomato ketchup is only ONE of the myriad different ketchups that used to or still exist, including ketchup made from walnuts. Tomato ketchup actually came after that kind of ketchup.

    Also, not all barbecue sauce is ketchup based, though it can be. It's a short-cut to barbecue sauce that you can take, but you can make delicious barbecue sauce without it.

    Now that we have gotten that out of the way, living with an 18-year-old who goes through more ketchup than the average bear, I have grown really tired of the odor and thus the taste of ketchup, to the point where I don't like it on hot dogs or hamburgers any longer. I will eat it with fries, but only if they are tasteless and need some help. I really prefer vinegar.

    Otherwise, lovely card!

  5. Who know ketchup could be so entertaining!!! Your card is fabulous!

  6. Great card, it is very peaceful. Thanks for the info about primary colors. Found some very useful info on the modern palette that will need further study. As for ketchup, I'm for catsup, as ketchup was a marketing move for Heinz. Taste wise, burgers and hot dogs, but must have mustard also.

  7. Who knew? Food politics, too funny. Yes a very nice calming card.

  8. I love this post! Ketchup. tomato sauce, tomato jelly - how can you say jelly doesn't belong on meat? Mint jelly goes on lamb, cranberry jelly goes on turkey so why wouldn't tomato jelly go on hot dogs or steak? And you should try my red currant jelly!
    Love the card, too!

  9. Laughing! Your retreats sound like so much fun! And I love today's card!

  10. "This is why we can't have nice things" . You crack me up! Love the card. I think it's my most favorite you've ever done. Ever...
    I like ketchup on fries and burgers. Mic drop.

  11. I've loved looking at all your starry cards. Oh, dear. Jelly under or on eggs is not happening around me. But I do love ketchup with french fries, even the animal style. It's a rare luxury anymore so I won't need a beer after reading your post :D

  12. well, i just read about the ketchup controversy. I should have waited to read it until i was feeling calm. I just got a really bad haircut yesterday and my perception is really off. Now i have a ketchup fixation. Oh my gosh!!!! Its a good thing you posted the lovely breathe card. I might have to run off a copy of the card and carry it with me. Oh dear, hugs, treen

  13. Love your card, and that crazy conversation. I think I would have had to sit back and listen to the ketchup chatter. BTW I put ketchup in baked beans along with dried onion and brown sugar. After that, I arrange a couple slices of raw bacon on top. Back up... Can't forget to cut up some hot dogs in it. Bake that until it's getting dry. Love it. It's the way only mom could make it. My wife doesn't like it, so I get the whole thing to myself. She can make her own dinners!


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