Monday, March 2, 2009

Go Ahead, Stereotype Me. One Day and One Day Only.


I know some of you are reading this from England and Canada and Australia, so this post is for you. You, and anyone who hasn't visited the Lone Star State. To anyone whose only impression of us is people who get on TV after a tornado, ("i was just settin on the terlet readin' mah fishin' magazine and BAM - all the sudden Paw was flyin through the air without his pants") or possibly a John Wayne movie, this post is for you. It is Texas Independence Day, after all.

After a lifetime of trying to get people to appreciate the Great Republic of Texas for ALL that it is - national parks, gorgeous hills, canyons, mountains, lost maples, the Highland Lake system, the mighty Colorado, the fine art, the fine art of cussing, the outrageously wonderful food, our special language (I'm fixin to go to the store - you want some Big Red?), the crazy weather, the big hearted, brave, warm and funny people, one of the largest economies in the world, my beautiful, bright shining city on a hill, the story of our independence, the Cormac McCarthyness of our past, I'm going to give in - and I'm just going to do this once.

I'm going to show you photos that completely play to your stereotypes of us. It will overcome your knowledge of my love of sushi and fun hotels, but it's okay. You get this one day to think of me the way you wanted to when you found out I was a Texan. :)

We went to the DH's family ranch for the weekend to celebrate his great aunt's 90th birthday. It was a blast.

And here's how we do it in Texas. C'mon y'all. I'm fixin' to show u some pitchers.

First, everything's measured in time, not distance. None of us know how many miles there are to anything, we just know hours. Who the hell cares how many miles it is when you gotta pack provisions for a 7 hour trip? A Yankee, that's who. :)

The ranch is about two hours.

Plenty of time to make 13 cards on the way. Wanda's birthday gift! Yes, you can cut out the Fifth Avenue Florals 48 times while traveling at 70 MPH on deer infested highways. You just gotta know how.
Texans love to tell stories. We start telling them the second we're born. Most of them are grounded in truth, but with quite a bit of color and exaggeration. There's a big difference between a colorful exaggeration and a lie. In Texas, when you need to tell a story, you gotta get down and draw it in the dirt.In Texas, we buy American. We buy SO American, that we buy our ranch fridges from GM. That's right. GM used to make something besides debt. They used to keep our beer cold. For a mere $289.75, they did.On top of the fridge is where we keep our Ponderosa tin cups and our ceramic chickens. When it gets too windy out, we play dominoes on a vinyl tablecloth. We keep score with an Astros pencil.This here is what we call a latch.This here is what we call a sky.This here is what we call a bush.This here is what we call a lawnmower.It's spring here now, so sometimes the lawnmowers have babies. This baby is so sassy.
So is this one. Sometimes our tiny women grab the babies because they're irresistible.The lawnmowers like to lick molasses from these turny things. Lawnmowing is hard work.Our tiny women know how to work the turny things. Our tiny women are very tough.

When we are hungry, this is what we eat.
This is what we call a chef. My sister in law, Jessica. She could whoop some Iron Chef @$$.We can turn anything into chips and salsa. How about pluots, two kinds of mangos, strawberries, kiwis, lime juice and sugar?How bout you eat it on a cinnamon pita chip? mmm.When we give presents, we get on our Macs, and make hard cover books with beautiful pictures of our 90 year old guest of honor. We're not barbarians, you know. We do have computers.Our guest of honor made this headstone for a farm worker who died on the ranch in the early 1900's. She has seen a lot in her short 90 years.Our women are pretty too. Here are three of the beautiful Boeselt's. Jenny's in the middle. She doesn't know what a blog is. Hey Jenny - you're on a blog! :)
Well, it's time to go. We Texans are ruled by the rising and setting of the sun.Better make sure the city folk know what to do on the way out.Happy Texas Independence Day!

Remember the Alamo!

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24 comments:

  1. Happy TX Independence Day. Too bad I'm not that Texan. I'm first generation American and I claim TX as home since I've been here since I was 5. And let's just say I'm slightly older than that now.

    But it looks like you had a good time.

    Hugs.

    Mary

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  2. Love it!

    You know what I say, "I wasn't born a Texan but I got here as fast as I could." And since my momma and daddy met and married in San Antonio, I get to count that just a little bit!

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  3. You tell your story well my dear! Looks like you had a very enjoyable day.
    I am a proud Canadian, awaiting my time to be able to apply for my dual citizenship and very proud to call Texas my home now. Texans are the friendliest people in the world! The sky in Texas truly is Big Sky country and has the very best and largest moons too!
    Can you tell that I am happy to be here?!
    So happy that you are my friend :)
    Happy Independence Day!

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  4. Well, we learn something new everyday! I promise I will never make fun of Texas, I wish I were there right now enjoying the wonderful warm temperatures. Lovely freezing weather we are having here in Ohio right now! You are too darn funny, and entertaining.

    Lisa A.

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  5. Great way to show a small slice of life!!!

    Lisa

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  6. Happy Texas Independence Day, Lydia!! You've really enlightened me...but then...you always do!! :D

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  7. Oh my you make me laugh. Thank you for sharing today. And that fruit salsa looks fantastic. Yum.

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  8. and *vintage* Astros pencil, no less! Love it!

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  9. Looks like you had a wonderful day! On days like today (fresh blanket of snow in Chi-town in MARCH!) I miss living in San Antonio--waiting for the bluebonnets, drives through Hill Country (and visiting awesome wineries!) TX barbecue--I've visited tons of places in the US and hands down, TX got it right!

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  10. You shore do tell a good ol' story!! Happy Tezas Indenpendance Day! The fruit salsa and chips looks yummy, I'll have to try that some day. I loved the pictures of the goats and wow there are a lot ob "bushes" there.

    Smiles,

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  11. Oh, Lydia! You make me sooooo homesick! I am proud to be a Native Texan, Born in San Antonio and raised in Fort Worth! My grandparents lived in Lakehills at Medina Lake. I can smell the brisket and chicken and sausage grilling now!

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  12. I loved this post! And I think you may have convinced me to move to the great state of Texas! We're originally from Montana, and they measure in time, not distance, as well. Must be a "wide open spaces" kind of thing!

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  13. OH, and I forgot to add...I love that Ponderosa Cup!!!! Me and hubby are big Bonanza fans!

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  14. Dear, dear Lydia!!! I have some former in-law relatives in Houston who are not the stereo-typical Texans but I have to admit that I've been known to stereotype Texans. My apologies!! Just as with anyone different from ourselves, once we get to know them personally, they just become people and we don't even remember if they have mustaches or how tall they are or other personal characteristics. Anywho, thanks for the humorous glimpse into real Texas life! Melanie (Colorado) grin

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  15. We just moved away from Texas after being stationed there for four years. While Kentucky is and always will be my home - whether I live there or not - I do miss Texas. Love the pics and as usual the commentary!

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  16. What a hooot! I'm a Texas gal, relocated for dceades to the desert of AZ. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can NEVER take the Texas out of the girl.
    And you're right, the women in Texas are beautiful:)
    Brenda

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  17. Go Texas! Love the lawnmowers - got any to spare? My back pasture could sure use them! Miss those BBQ's too. As for stereotypes I blame Lyndon Johnson! On the other hand Ladybird is the perfect reflection of a lovely state. I'm going to miss her quiet wisdom and get it done sticktoitiveness!

    Hugs and Blessings - Jean

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  18. Can I just tell you how amazing I think you are? You write with so much soul. What a beautifully simple but powerful post.

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  19. As always, you crack me up! I think Texans and Australians actually have a lot in common...well COUNTRY Aussies anyways. We too measure distance in the time it takes to drive there, have fabulous BBQs, and growing up I had several *lawnmowers* alot like yours :)
    Happy Independance Day, my friend ♥

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  20. Congrats on yer nuley arrived lawnmowers. I swear I nearly peed my pants when I read that!! Though I've been transplanted in Missouri, I lived my 1st 31 years as a true-blue-redneck Texan. Thanks so much for sharon yer humor.

    Tee

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  21. Lydia,
    Just loved this post. I most enjoyed the photos of that beautiful sky. I grew up in Wyoming and am now in SE AK and miss seeing wide expanses of blue all day long. It was great that you allowed us to come along on your family day. TFS! Have had the great joy to visit your state a few times and look forward to a return trip. It is truly an awesome place and the folks there are wonderful. Thanks again for sharing a piece with us.

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  22. i love texas and i love being a texan!

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  23. My hubby has just been stationed to TX and we all arrive next month! Thank you for sharing your love of the state. I hope to soon share in your love of all things Texan.

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  24. Um..are you not from New York???

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