Sunday, July 12, 2009

I'm Not a Hooker, I'm from Texas..

Isn't it wonderful that this great land of ours is so big that there are significant cultural differences between our states? Shoot, Texas is big enough that we have our own subcultures.

For example, there are places in America where people would have no idea what you meant if you said you were "fixin' to go have some chicken fried steak." Or, a little farther east "There's only one place you can get really good water-ice." (Isn't all ice water? Well you east coasters know what I'm talking about.. But in Austin, that's just crazy talk)

You know, culture.

Well in some places, people think you're a hooker just because you're from Texas.

I'll start small, because I understand how funny this is.

I went to college in upstate New York. I loved it. Best thing I ever did. But I was one of a very few southerners in my school. Most kids were from New York, and the rest from New England and the surrounds.

I found out extremely quickly that a key cultural difference was just - saying hello. We Texans holler out "hey" "hi" "howdy" "how's it goin" "what's up" "take it easy" and much more when we are within six feet of another human. If you get close enough we'll hug and kiss you and give you something to eat. So I land in New York in a decade far, far away and quickly discover that to the boys in New York, who had never encountered such behavior in their XX chromosome state-mates, this means "I'd like to marry you and I'm indicating that by saying "hi" and making eye contact."

I adjusted and escaped without marrying anyone.

Fast forward to 2002. I go on a work trip to NYC. I love New York, and spent a lot of time there when I was in college.

During this trip, we all went to see the Lion King on Broadway one night. We zipped back to Times Square, and changed clothes afterwards. I opted for the following outfit: black Levi 501's, black long sleeved t-shirt, black leather jacket, and black winter boots. I also had on a black Kippy's belt. This is the exact belt.
It's adorable. Sparkly, fun, rhinestoney goodness. Otherwise, I looked like everyone else on the street, bundled up for a cold December night. Or so I thought.

We were all going to meet up at a pub and have a drink. It was just a few blocks off Times Square, but clearly in the wrong direction - it was downright skeevy a few blocks in. But as happens in New York, one block later you can be totally safe, and the pub was very nice.

We get settled in a giant booth and wait for everyone - there were going to be 12 of us. A small pack got lost and called me for directions. I stepped out onto the street so that I could hear. While I was on the phone, a very nicely dressed business man came up very close to me, took his wallet out and started mumbling dollar figures. "Three hundred or six hundred or.." Assuming he was crazy, as I always do, I ignored him, paced around and finished my phone call. He followed me back and forth, playing with his money and mumbling.

I went back inside, told everyone some crazy guy outside was trying to give me money, and ...

Then it hits us.

All at once.

He thought I was a hooker!

You have never heard 12 people laugh so hard in your life, I guarantee it. After the group analyzes why that might have happened, we settle on my glittery belt.

A sparkly black cowgirl belt is totally okay for a Saturday afternoon at the grocery store in any far flung corner of the Lone Star state. It's hard to catch us out without our rhinestones. But in New York - it totally makes you a hooker.

Sometimes, you just feel like a stranger in a strange land, yes?

That story is what inspired this card, which is my entry for the Stampin' Success contest this month. It uses the new Greetings Earthling set, and two of the new colors - Bermuda Bay and Dusty Durango. I used my blender pen to color the creatures (they are on watercolor paper), and you cant' see it in this pic, but the helmet has Crystal Effects on it. The little design on the side is what's left over from cutting the lattice pattern with the new SU! Sizzix die. We used that in my class yesterday. I'd show you the project but I can't unless you're in my cyber club!

The class was MOMENTOUS!! You know why??

Because I finally got to meet Stampin' Libby!!! I have waited so long!! I love her blog, and have "talked" to her in cyberspace for a while, but we finally got to see each other yesterday, and it was so fun. She is even prettier and sweeter in real life, if you can believe that!! Come back any time Libby. Or better yet, move south in a hurry! :)

Here are my friends Betty & Nicole. Betty was a first time stamper and is AMAZING!!! Nicole was already a crafty goddess and guided Betty on the crafty path..

Please note rhinestones on Betty.

Finally, here are Emily and her momma, Berne - also sporting rhinestones on her T-shirt. I rest my case. :)

Have a great Sunday!

Have you signed up for the UBlue Cyber Club? Attended one of my Webinars?? Come on - get your geek on! :)

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20 comments:

  1. Gaaaah! LOL LOVE the story. *slaps knee* That's a good one, L.

    And love the card and the great pics of your club. I wish I wasn't on the other side of the world... (Seattle to Tx - not a good commute, unfortunately)

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  2. Haahaa! Story was great! And once again your card is AWESOME!

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  3. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery-----or not, in your case! Ha! Funny story!

    Reminded me of when we went to Vermont to Sugar Bush to ski. Carson asked the waitress at the inn of they had any sweet tea (in a really twangy accent none-the-less). The waitress looked at him like he was crazy!

    Nice card- gotta run and go back and fix my typos on this comment!

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  4. Your story made me laugh! It reminded me about the first time I went to Ohio (about 20 years ago). I met some people at a small party and their first comment to me was, "You're from Texas? You have snakes there, don't you?" At which point, I thought I'd have fun with that and replied, "Yep, I just kick 'em aside with my boots as I mosey on to work every mornin'." Sadly, they took me seriously.

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  5. LOL...cute story...when I was 17 I was in New York...and someone whispered to me..."Wanna be in the movies?" LMAO.

    WV...FIMBRUPU
    what you say when you eat too much too fast...followed by " 'scuse me"

    or..what a Japanese person says when you ask them why the go to the gym to work out..
    "I like to "fimbrupu" my muscles" with apologies to any Japanese readers out there ;-)

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  6. BWAHAHAHA! I used to know those guys too. One look, and you have to either marry them or write them a Dear John letter...

    and a productive good time to the convocation of the stampin champyins.

    what is it about that security word "coussem" that makes me hungry?

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  7. Lordy-my. It's funny how different us Texans truly are. Heh.

    The card is awesome. Love, love, love it!!!
    So good to see you (twice) yesterday.
    Hug, hug, kiss, kiss....

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  8. Alas, the best chicken fried steak is at Issacs Restaurant in Junction. Along with huge helpings of mashed potatoes and gravy. Finish it off with a piece of Buttermilk Pie. I miss Texas. I ordered Chicken Fried steak here and got a puny piece of fried chicken. I finally figured out that they call it Country Fried steak. Love your story and card. Can't wait to get the new die.

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  9. ROFL! I hope that you wear that belt to SLC...no telling what they'll think of it out there!

    I have yankee relatives on my dad's side and it took years before they finally figured out that if I saw them I was going to hug them. Now they just accept it and go with the flow.

    My southern relatives...well you could see them in the morning and get a hug, then again at lunch...then after coffee in the afternoon. We are touchy-lovey all the time.

    Love the card...I bet it is even cuter in real life with the shiny helmet. See you soon!

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  10. LOL! That's hysterical, and I am not even FROM Texas. Midwestern girl, here, transplanted to the East Coast. And not one rhinestone on any clothing - ya got me there.

    Why do Emily and Berne look so serious? What do you make people DO at your house?!?! My customers just go away inky.

    WV: unessau. A small town in Wisconsin.

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  11. oh so funny! people from here just don't get us! esp. on the east coast.

    but gosh, i love texas and i wouldn't want to be from anywhere else. and i love being all sparkled up!!

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  12. I guess I'm the token New Yorker here (now transplanted in the south). I had the reverse experience, when I moved to the south my sister and I were walking down the street and someone walked by us and LOOKED at us, then he SAID something to us (good morning, I think). We were in such SHOCK that someone a) looked at us and b) talked to us when walking by we were speechless!

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  13. You are such a hoot !! I just bought a rhinstone phrase, "Spoiled", but not sure whether to put it on a cap or a t-shirt and I am not even from Texas ha ha ha ha Have a great week sweetie!! Hugs n' Stuff, Lynne Hope this doesn't post the second time duh duh

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  14. I had a horrible nightmare last night about tomato worms. I wonder if New Yorkers have nightmares about tomato worms?

    I still have the Quasimodo story to tell you for Make Me Laugh Monday. Even though Cletus melted yesterday, due to the SUN ACTUALLY TOUCHING HER BODY, her eyeballs and fingers were spared. And you know what that means! Stamp and type and stamp and type!

    I'm serious, the tomato worm nightmare was hideous. NOT lying (this time)- just thinking about it makes me wanna barf. I am damaged forever. Wait- we all know better than that- I've been damaged since conception.

    I am ripping out all the tomato plants in my garden today.

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  15. Lydia! I LOVE your sparkly belt and I plan on buying one just like it as soon as I lose all my weight. That's my goal ... a tucked in white shirt with jeans and a sparkly rhinestone belt! And probably a pair of cowboy boots too. I'm dead serious! And if someone makes me an offer on the street, at least I'll know what he's talking about! Loved reading about your experience. Hope to see you in SLC soon!

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  16. Kydia! So far love your Twitter video- y'all have to see this! Of course, her seriously funny humor is on board and is wicked funny!

    You New Yorkers understand "wicked" heh?

    Don't look at me- I am without "halo".

    WV- pipto- how far can we all go with that one girls?

    MY BEST SHOT- "me thinks that pipto bismal is a waste of time, just like "global warming".

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  17. Are you kidding me???? I thought rhinestones were okay anytime anywhere! I'm from Michigan, but then again I don't worry what people think, therefore I can pull off any look. I LOVE your card, great watercolor and the colors are perfect for this stamp set.

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  18. omg, I thought I ws going to pee my pants reading your hooker story.
    so- what the heck is water-ice anyway?
    The one I always get weird looks for is when I ask for vinegar for my french fries- never realized that was a local thing until the first time I spent time away from home. My most favorite one recently was actually at convention last year. Discussion on chicken wings came up (we don't call them Buffalo wings in Buffalo- we just call them wings-lol) and someone who-is-not-from-here said, "Oh, are Buffalo wings really from Buffalo? I never knew that." Umm... where the heck did you think they were from?? lol.

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  19. This story never gets old...and still cracks me up. Thanks Lydia for sharing the saucy wit. I'm thinking it was more than the rhinestone belt if the dude overheard your likely witty conversation. Of course it might have been the Hey dude...and hugs if we was within 6 feet of you that did it also. :D

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