Thursday, August 4, 2016

Have a Humerus - Really

I don't watch the news, but if I did, I'm sure I'd be cowering in a corner over the Zika virus today. Or maybe Ebola, or even shingles.

I'm here to tell you about an even deadlier outbreak, affecting more people, and probably most of the people you know, online or off.

Go ahead and get inside your safe room and wrap yourself in a snuggie before you read the rest. It's bad.

The plague currently ravaging communities across the earth is....


Yes. I said it.

This outbreak has rained down a pantywaistyness that is reaching a frightening intensity. Did you know that humorlessness kills more Americans annually than shark attacks, paperclip accidents, cobra bites and leprosy put together? It's true. I read that right here on my blog. Just now.

No one can say ANYTHING now without a bunch of people getting offended or coming up with a reason that everyone should feel sad, guilty and oppressive. Here are some examples, taken from real social media encounters in the last few weeks, with a few modifications to protect the humorless.

Statement: We went to the zoo today and my son got to pat a lemur.

Statement: I caught three Pikachus today!
Response: Everyone in the world was killed today playing Pokemon Go!

Statement: Happy Mother's Day everyone!
Response: My mother is dead / I was hatched / I'm not a mother / I am scared of mothers / some people I don't know in another country don't celebrate Mother's Day so we shouldn't either / The word Day is offensive to people in a country I've never been to / If you rearrange the letters in the words Mother's Day they spell kale / I'm allergic to kale / Please donate to my kale allergy Go Fund Me in honor of the mother I never had because I was hatched.

Statement: I rewarded myself for surviving an avalanche, a tornado, and a psychopathic CEO presentation which included 300 buzzwords by having a Happy Meal. Yay me!

Statement: I'm selling XYZ for $5
Response: How dare you - you should donate that to (insert heartstring-tugging charity of choice), you heartless monster.

Statement: I love this snowflake stamp!
Response: THAT SNOWFLAKE HAS THE WRONG NUMBER OF LEGS AND IS OFFENSIVE ON 9 CONTINENTS. (Shocking, as there are only seven, but that's how offensive an incorrect snowflake stamp can be.)

Here's my advice to the world.

Lighten up.

Not everything in the world is conspiring to bring about personal doom, or designed to oppress people until they are just little flat, soulless, whiny things littering the earth.

Some things are just for fun.

Also, humanity's doom is not staved off by funsquashing.

Yay is more fun than nay.

Lemurs are awesome.

Cheeseburgers are awesome.

Lemurs might even enjoy cheeseburgers, since cats obviously do.

The ability to move on without commenting on something you don't like is like a modern day superpower. USE it and it will grow stronger! You will become funny and invincible!

It's also quite possible that we don't know everything. Seems improbable, I know, but after this week's bombshell that we might not need to floss after all, I'd say your best bet is to not bet on the fact that you know everything. Also, super excited that I don't have to floss anymore and that lemurs love cheeseburgers. Want to see the cutest lemur made with the Fox Builder Punch? Check this out.

Now all that being said, don't confuse your HUMERUS with being humorless. They are not the same. And everyone has a humerus. Except for the people who do not and are offended right now. So you can imagine my mirth when I saw this stamp set that is in the upcoming Stampin' Up! holiday mini. Hilarious.

See? Even though he is missing a humerus, he is NOT humorless. This skelly is doing it right.

I stamped him on Ranger watercolor paper (I am lazy and love that this is precut), and then I spritzed it with water and sprinkled Brusho on - Gamboge, Yellow and Black. Then I heat embossed the sentiment in white, in honor of his missing humerus. :)

This card is for my dear friend Bev's Dare To Get Dirty Challenge this week. I know she will appreciate it, as she DOES have a sense of humor.

I hope you have a very hilarious, joy-filled week, with or without your humerus.



  1. If I'm not mistaken, isn't being humorous one of the prerequisites of being a member on the Understand Blue Team? LOL

    Not big into Halloween, but this is a really cool set ~ I think it just make it's way on to my wishlist. :)

  2. Lydia I am very disappointed in this post and deeply offended. On top of my general disappointment I can't approve of this card because I don't celebrate Halloween. It's a demonic holiday, for starters..............


    It's Stupid Nuts (that's what Seth used to say when he was irritated at age 2) how negative peeps on social media are! I watched needless negativity errupt on Sunday, SUNDAY of all days on a very sweet stamp company's FB page!

    This made me laugh: It's true. I read that right here on my blog. Just now.

    Your card is awesome!!! You created a perfectly wonderful background for your Humerusless skeleton!

    1. OMG, good thing I already finished my coffee or it would have erupted out of my nose at the start of this comment! BAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

  3. BRAVO! On both your card and your insight into this humorless tragedy. Your card is so much fun. Love the colors & that stamp set is wonderful.
    Folks are so self-absorbed that every social media item HAS to be directed at them. And if it's not, how dare they be excluded. They WILL MAKE IT about them.If they were truly as important as they think they are, they'd be too busy to be reading ALL of social media.
    So glad my life is as blessed as it is. I'm getting used to the idea of not listening/reading news. It's a life-long habit that is hard to break, especially when one of my people is in the "news" business. :/

  4. lol! You are right. You are now officially my favourite blogger. x PS What do I now do with all this floss I've got sitting in my bathroom. Any crafty ideas? :-)

  5. I swear you are HUMOROUS HILARIOUS and down right AWESOME!!!!!

  6. You are awesome and, thank God, NOT humorless. I enjoy your insights every post. Also love the chats on Online Classes. Thank you for taking the time to do those for us.

  7. Well said from top to bottom. Yes, I read your blog for the articles.............but sometimes I sneak a peek at the pictures too. LOL

  8. This may be my favorite blog entry ever!! Well, maybe second favorite to the one you wrote about a grocery store visit. Thanks for the giggle. I was in a really foul humer until I read this. Happy Thursday!!

  9. Why is it that everyone has to post their opinion, do they really think we care? I love your message today and the card is far too cute. I really needed this chuckle today, so thank you!!!!!

  10. girl, you are just what I needed for an extra smile on the way out the door this morning and YAY! me I learned which bone is a Humerus must be because, its connected to the funny bone? :) thanks for the giggles.

  11. Oh boy, am I glad you posted this because, seriously, some people are getting too stodgy and icky. I really thought I was the only one who noticed (because I'm so self-centered, you know). Everything offends this type of individual. I'm certainly glad your skeleton found something to laugh at.

  12. Oh my Lydia - you really are the best. This post made my morning. You're right though - too many people get butt hurt over any little thing. I love the ...levity, you bring. I think you and I both know the only things that truly ARE offensive, are BEETS!

  13. Such a cool card! I love that background!!!

  14. Love the card. Love the blog entry even more. Spot on!

  15. I still can't get over that pantywaistyness is a word. That is awesome!

  16. Fun, fun card and a post that made me laugh (and nod my head because we are all so namby-pamby in this world that everything offends someone)

  17. I just love you so much. Like there are no words for my love for you.

  18. You go girl! I don't really do Halloween cards, but ya gotta love this one....of course, i'd have to include your post to explain it to people! LOL, love it!

  19. Amen Sister! And wow is that background fabulous!

  20. I second everything you just said! My favorite part of each day is when my 14-year-old daughter and I get together and laugh about anything and everything. Life is too short to be sour all the time! Super cute card too!


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