Tuesday, October 14, 2014

You Have Ebola. God Bless And Have a Great Day!

You don't really have Ebola.

Well, not as far as I know. I won't be inviting you over for a while, just in case.

But it's time to talk about something far more serious.


I get about 150 emails per hour. So I see it all. And a LOT of people apparently are too busy to type "Thanks" or "Sincerely" or "God Bless And Have a Great Day" on every email they send, so they plug it into their auto-signature. Now, full disclosure -  I use an auto-signature - with my contact info. I'm not opposed to auto-signatures in general. Or even in specific.

But I am opposed to auto-salutations. Automating your best wishes can be tricky, depending on your topic, and your decision to leave them, regardless of the subject of your message.

Here is the result - and I leave you to discern which of these have actually happened in my life:

From: maryjane@email.com
To: Site administrator


"People will never remember what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel." ~ Anonymous awesome human being

Dance like no one is watching,
Sweet Mary Jane, awesome person

From: angryreceptionist@yourcompany.com
To: everyone
cc: everyone else

I am NOT your mother. Your mother doesn't work here. If she did, she'd DENY being your mother. You are filthy PIGS! I slave away all day every day selflessly and then I HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR DISGUSTING COFFEE CUPS. You are swine. I cried myself to sleep this morning at my desk over your insensitivity. You will burn in hell for this. You will.

God Bless And Have a Great Day,
Your sister in Christ
Mary Theresa Saint

From: terroristicconsumer@hotmail.com
To: Nameless corporate enemy
cc: Imaginary law firm

To Whom it May Concern:

I'm copying my lawyer. he's the one who will be dismantling your ill-gotten empire when I'm done with you. You seriously think you can get away with telling me Red Bull Gives You Wings?? DO YOU SEE ANY (*#&$)#( WINGS ON ME BRO??? I WILL OWN YOU. Also, my legs are broken.

Warmest regards,
Mr. Toolazytotypewarmestregardsonlywhenimeanit
Middle America


From: Dr. Curesalot
To: patientzero@hotzone.com
cc: cdc@cdc.gov

Dear (redacted):

This will be my last email to you, as the BSL-4 protocol demands that I cease communicating with you and move to the outer reaches of Siberia. I did want to let you know that I got your test results. You have Ebola. Your Ebola virus has somehow contracted Marburg. Also, toe fungus. Your prognosis is negative. If you are dead already, this will be harder to read. If you're not dead, I bet your eyes don't work. If you need me, I'll be in Siberia.

“Each patient carries his own doctor inside him.” ~Norman Cousins

Healing thoughts,
Dr. D. McDumberson


I mean, really. Would it be that hard to delete your 1st Corinthians verse or Zig Ziglar quip when you're ripping someone a new one? Just highlight and delete. Takes one second and might burn off some of that nervous energy.

Let's try a little harder, America. Let's just try.This is why we can't have nice things.

I have, however, considered ending all my emails with YEE-HAW as my auto-signature. It has sort of a Die Hard feel to it and I like it.

Pin It

I was the host of the Mix-Ability challenge Friday and I called it Pin Ups - you have to cut out a mask out of a magazine, prep it, and then use it to spritz or sponge around on your project.

It's also a sneak peek of a Hope You Can Cling To challenge at the end of the month, but I can't reveal why yet :).

What I CAN reveal is that we have more than $5,000 in prizes to give away during these challenges - YEE HAW! Are you playing? If not, why not? :) 

Now one of the coolest things about Hope You Can Cling To Chatter is our awesome recipe thread, which has an index and is full of yumminess. Check it out here.

I was perusing it this morning and realize I haven't shared a recipe with you in a while. Here's one I made tonight that is DELICIOUS!!!

So here you go.

Crockpot Thai Chicken With Coconut Rice

1.5 lbs. chicken thighs (for me, this was about 6)
1 cup Wright’s Hot Habanero Texas Salsa (Cold section WFM - if you don’t have this, use either cilantro salsa or something with a lot of citrus flavor instead of a lot of tomato flavor)
2 tablespoons fresh ground ginger
1/2 cup peanut butter (I used Peter Pan - don’t judge - it’s awesome)
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tsp. fresh garlic, grated
2 tablespoons lime juice (I just squeezed two limes - might have been 3-4 TBS)
4 thai peppers, tops cut off
Sea Salt
½ C. Sweet Chili Sauce

I put 4 whole thai peppers in for heat.

Put thighs in bottom of crockpot. Salt thighs on both sides. Mix all ingredients except sweet chili in a bowl and cover the chicken.

Cook on low for 6-8 hours depending on the size of the chicken pieces. Mine was done at about 5.5 hours and I have a big crockpot.

Before serving, stir ½ cup sweet chili sauce into chicken and sauce and mix.

Serve with coconut rice. ( 1 cup rice, toasted in oil, then cooked in one cup coconut milk & 1 cup chicken broth. When done, add half a bag of frozen peas, cover for a few minutes until they warm up. Serve chicken over rice.)

Now - ponder those auto-salutations, okay?



  1. I assure you, my thighs will not fit in your crockpot. Nor do they need salt.

  2. laughing at madameplushbottom...

    insert auto-signature here.............

  3. So I'm sitting in McDonald's, reading your blog and drinking my coffee, literally laughing out loud. Totally forgot where I was as I was so engrossed in Mary Theresa Saint's email. When I finally look up, there are four construction workers staring at me. One says "Hey, you're having a really fun time!" LOL!!!!! Yes, yes I am - and it's all because of Lydia.... Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Oh my stars! He must be the 'Marlboro Man's' brother come-to-life!! Love this ebola-stomping man in the cowboy hat! But darlin' ... when I read "Habanero sauce" ... I decided to just save myself and get back to my yogurt & walnuts. ;)

  5. LOL It's an embarrassment, those auto signatures and bumper stickers too. Right now I want to tell someone they are a nincompoop but wouldn't it be embarrassing to do that if my siggy was Jesus Loves You and So Do I ......or some such thing! Thanks for the reminder to refrain from those siggys and bumper stickers and I will also refrain from calling that person a nincompoop. Oh, and I love your card. *wink*


Every time you leave a comment, a new LOLcat is born. ALSO - don't panic if you don't see your comment right away - I moderate my comments to keep those spammers out, so your comment will show up in short order. Unless you're linking me to Russian brides or Nigerian princes.

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