Saturday, August 16, 2014

One of the World's Biggest Unsolved Problems

I really feel like my blog should get a grant.

There's no reason that I should keep pointing out these MAJOR issues affecting our society and their possible solutions for free.

People get grants to study - I kid you not - the link between cocaine and the mating habits of quail. Because THAT matters. THAT impacts the quality of life of the average American. And how mean is it to give cocaine to quail? Senator Tom Coburn - I'd like to invite you to Austin so that I can scary whisper at you until you pee yourself and slink out of the country on a cargo ship in the dead of night. Any time that works for you works for me. I will make time. Call me.

Way to go, government dummies!!

Wait - I mean, eminent humans who should bestow wheelbarrows of cash upon me to study...


I like ketchup. I like mustard. I like mayonnaise.

But I do NOT like throwing away 15% of the net weight of all the ketchup I buy because I can't get it out of the blastedly incompetent squeeze bottles they package it in.

I wondered, while making rude noises with my Whataburger ketchup bottle today trying to coax the last few tablespoons of ketchup out, why in TARNATION we don't package ketchup in a jar like mayo so we can scoop the container clean, consuming every last bit. The old glass bottles were FAR superior to these new things that you can't squeeze all the way to get the last bits out. If they want it in a plastic bottle, why don't they put it in a tube like toothpaste that we can roll up?

It's just not working for me.

And before Whataburger ketchup, the best ketchup in the world, I didn't care as much. I'd love the throw the entire Heinz corporation in the garbage, as a matter of fact, so I didn't mind kissing their gross ketchup goodbye before its time. But now - now, I care.

So give me a grant to fix it. I'm crafty -  I will figure it out.

Pre-ketchup trauma today, I had my stamp-a-stack. I'm doing one each month until Christmas, so my students will have 40 cards done by mid-November all ready to send! We really had fun. I was amazed - there were 15 people, and we were done in 115 minutes, so they made 150 cards in 115 minutes! Pretty wild!

We did three designs: one very simple, one intermediate and one more involved. This is the intermediate card, and I think it was their favorite:

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This is the BEAUTIFUL Holiday Home stamp set from the Holiday catalog (you should have it by now) that covers Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween and comes with ADORABLE matching dies.

We sponged the main panel in Pool Party, masking the moon with a 3/4" punch and a Post-It note - I use the ones where the whole note is sticky.

After that we did a fun technique we saw at Convention - you fill a mister with water. Spray a little puddle into your left hand if you're right-handed. Then pick up some water with your right hand and flick it onto the sponged area, creating those little spots of "snow" you see. This way you just get a few little drops, and not a misting of water all over the panel. Very fun.

Then I used the cute candy cane striped paper from the matching Nordic Noel DSP for a little pop of red. The images from Holiday Home are stamped in Bermuda Bay and the embossing folder for the second layer is the Decorative Dots folder.

If you've ever gotten a Christmas card from me, you know that I'm all about this fun color scheme that's both frosty and warm. When you're stamping when it's 104 degrees, the frosty part of that equation is KIND OF a big deal.

If you've stopped by my blog to give me a grant, please click the email button on the right and I'll give you the ketchup bottle of your DREAMS. Promise.



  1. You should definitely campaign for that grant! You'd make a fabulous design, I'm sure! I'm kinda liking the tube idea myself.

  2. Love your Christmas card, really enjoy the lightly blended green with santa riding off into the sunset.

    Always worth applying for a grant, you never know. In Australia We have people just as stupid handing out our hard earned taxes for stupid grants as well. One I read about last year was a grant of $50,000 given to two guys researching the effect of pornography on people. Basically people watching or reading porno and their responses,wow how brilliant was that.

  3. Oh goodness, I've already got a fix for this. Step 1 grasp bottle by the bottom, step 2 sling the.bottle about using centrificle force to move contents to the top( also part of step 2 learn to spell ?centrificle?) Step 3 fling bottle through kitchen window. Step 4 cry, clean up glass, go out to dinner, work extra shifts to pay for new window. Step 5, buy ketchup in little foil packets. See.. All fixed.

  4. Why do you do this to me, Lydia? I miss Whataburger soooo much! As kids, every Friday, my dad would take us to pick up burgers. My sis would ride all the way home w/ her nose in the bag! I was worried because I just KNEW all the great Whataburger smell would be gone by the time we got home.


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