Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Why I'm Not an Engineer, For Starters

I know some of you are already laughing, because you've never imagined that I COULD have been an engineer in the first place.

But the why is important sometimes.

I had this revelation on Thursday. Well, I mean revelation in the sense that I'd already set aside the fact that differential equations and imaginary numbers are stupid and that my favorite classes were genetics, Russian literature and art, but still - a revelation in spite of that.

I was taking the new - insert shudder here - flyover that has recently been built near my home on a major highway.

Said flyover is like 40 billion feet in the air and banked like the F1 track.

There's really no amount of convenience that makes any of that okay, but nonetheless, I take it sometimes in weak moments.

And EVERY TIME I do, the same thing happens.

I get a prickly sensation on the top of my forearms. My hands sweat. My heart races. I grip the steering wheel like it's the last donut at a cop convention. I have extremely vivid visions of shooting off and falling to my untimely and undignified death on the road below - also known as - the road SMART, NON-ENGINEER TYPES TAKE, BECAUSE IT'S WHERE ROADS BELONG - ON THE GROUND.

That's when I really knew why engineering was never in the stars for me.

Not ONE single time, in my, er, 29 years on the planet, have I EVER believed I was not going to die on one of those things. I envision the pylons crumbling, the edges falling off, the whole thing swaying like a jump rope before turning into dust - every, single, time.

I don't believe in engineering.

My amygdala doesn't believe in engineering.

My amygdala wants to be on the ground.

I can't help it if some people believe in suspension bridges like other people believe in honest politicians and unicorns. I can see no difference in value judgement that I can make here. They're both crazier than carnies on meth and cotton candy and ain't nobody got time for that.

Back on terra firma, I celebrated a momentous day on Saturday - the day that Whataburger finally started selling their ketchup in the grocery store. For those of you not in Texas, you're in our prayers. It's sad that you've never had Whataburger ketchup and can't comprehend the glory of this day. A moment of silence please.

I actually took an email holiday for Memorial Day and it was really nice. I went outside and stuff :).

Look at my butterfly bush. I did.

And look at this sassy and adorable something or other hanging out on my cucumber plant!

Tomorrow I have more pics of other sassy ant looking thingies that were on there today.

I actually did very little crafting this weekend, because an unexpected event you'll learn about tomorrow intervened. But before all that happened, I did make my hostess sample for this week's Mix-Ability challenge on Splitcoast.

This is part two of my Yin / Yang challenge. This time we had to use a bumpy and a smooth texture on our project. Now, I made the challenge up, but that doesn't mean it didn't take a little thought! But in the end, I thought that the place where you always feel this contrast is at the beach - with smooth shells in rough sand, so that's what I did. I used glitter for my rough texture, and Crystal effects for my smooth texture. And hey - did you notice? They totally listened to me and didn't retire this beautiful set :) The background was made by masking the shell and sponging Pool Party through drywall tape.

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Look how I captured one tiny glint of light on the glitter - what a huge accomplishment!

Anyhoo - please drive carefully - people who believe in imaginary numbers put up those bridges you commute over. And I don't trust them as far as I can throw them.



  1. Most offensive blog post ever. Signed, your engineer friend. ;-) Cracked me up, actually. And LOVE the card!

  2. ROFL, oh Lydia, reading this post has to be my most favorite moment of this morning. . .beside waking up to realize I've lived another day. Thanks for the giggles, and I too always imagine myself crashing to my death when I drive over those or bridges. . .or Tampa now (thanks, sink holes) :)

    Your card is absolutely lovely, and the rough/smooth is a brilliant idea. . .so is using drywall tape. Genius!

  3. This really made me smile....my very creative son (who decided within one week of a Product Design course at college that it was too much like engineering and is now headed for Art College) used to come out with stuff like this from when he first started talking - "what if this bridge collapses just when we're driving over it..."...or under it or whatever....I think creative people have such great imaginations, they're too good at the "what if's"!!!! Fab card, I'm going to have to get some drywall tape!

  4. Lydia, you are my kind of people! :)

  5. LOL this is a wonderful post. I feel exactly the same way about those bridges. We have one that is very high and curvy. I try to avoid it at all costs; I think I've only been on it less than 1/2 doz times.

    Your card is beautiful, love the texture idea and the dry wall tape is fantastic. Now I gotta find me some. Thanks for the smiles this morning.

  6. The last donut at a cop convention - snort!! Love your blog! Love Love Love your card!

  7. Now imagine driving over those kinds of bridges in earthquake country!

  8. The first thing I thought when I saw that stamp set in the catalog was, "Stampin' Up! listened to Lydia!" :D

    Your posts crack me up. "The last donut at a cop convention..." Where do these sayings come from? You are a HOOT! And always clever and crafty too.

    Thanks for the smile and the inspiration.

  9. Lydian, I used to have nightmares where I was driving up one of those ramps and then it did the Hot Wheels loop-de-loop and I fell off part way up. I hate those things with every fiber of my being (or, as you say, my whole face!).

  10. Love the card. However, loved your comments more. You've got my sense of humour. Don't worry about accidents you are too well grounded.

    Plus, we cannot do without you. PC49

  11. GAH! LOVE THIS CARD!!! And now I have to acquire drywall tape! That is, after I finish installing my elfa cart...enabler!

    Freaking love this! Totally CASEing yet another card of yours.

  12. You break my heart, lydia! Kidding :P
    I'm an engineering student, so yeah..
    Anyway, love the card and lovely photos too!

  13. What?!? Did I read that right??!?
    No engineering? LoL
    That is what I do for living (and stamp supplies).


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