Sunday, December 30, 2012

Show Me Your Papers, Radio Edition

Okay so this morning I had to head out early for celery.

See - the 22 pound turkey in my fridge made it go berserk and freeze everything. My fridge goes into fight or flight zombie apocalypse mode when it's full and tries to overperform. So my existing celery was frozen. And tonight we're having our un-New Year's meal with my sister and her husband - turkey, stuffing, broccoli rice casserole, mashed potatoes with Full Quiver Farms Farmstead chive cheese and butter... jealous yet?

So anyway, as I pull into the parking lot, I'm listening to my favorite gardening show by John Dromgoole and I hear my sister call in, so I sit in the car for a bit to listen to her call.

That's when I found out that she was a beet murderer. Well, she wasn't BEFORE she called, but the solution to her tiny beet problem, John said, was that she wasn't murdering enough of her baby beets while they slept.

It's true. Apparently, each beet seed actually makes five or six little beets and you have to murder, or "thin" (nice try at a nice word, John!) a lot of them to let the other ones grow to their full potential. A moment of silence for the beet babies, please.

Imagine finding out this way that you're related to a beet murderer.

Anyway, right after that call I heard reason # 2,452,403,898,909,877,625,113,234 that the government is stupid.

It was a really cute ad by a local plumbing company that really does funny marketing. But at the end of their ad, they are forced by law to say TACL0928347938 or whatever their license number is. REALLY?? Seriously? What the heck does that do for consumers? NOTHING. It's a stupid law made by stupid people that probably cost the state of Texas 84 billion dollars of my money to implement and ruined a perfectly good ad. When have you ever been sitting in your car and written down that number and looked it up? Never. And you never will. No one ever will. It is 5 wasted marketing seconds brought to you by a group of people with the collective intelligence of bellybutton lint.

After that, I needed coffee. Thank God Starbucks was across the street.

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  1. Lydia, You are a hoot!!!! What would we do without Starbucks?!!!! Cute card!!!!

  2. ...and that is why Europe and the U.K. are going down the tubes too...idiotic bureaucratic nonsense that costs gazzillions, which we're ALL paying for in many ways, not just financially...sorry, don't get me started!!! I love your card!!!! Thank the Lord for coffee, stampey world and all my friends who dwell there!

  3. Oh how I love your posts you crazy girl you! I actually had a neighbor come over once and thin my lettuce for me because I just couldn't kill something I had just asked to grow. As for the license number, that's supposed to protect people from unlicensed contractors who can be very very bad. It's kind of redundant though because I don't believe any of the advertising media are allowed to sell advertising to anyone without a license. Oh well. Carry on and enjoy your coffee. Thanks for all the smiles, giggles, and downright belly laughs! Happy New Year!

  4. What a great card! Love the bling in the snowflake. I have a few thank-yous I have to get out this week.
    Forgive your sister...she knows not what she does. lol Obviously if she is calling a gardening show about thinning beets. You thin them out for beet greens. Cook those babies up while they are nice and tender, a little butter and some freshly squeezed lemon. Be sure and get over there to help her so you can enjoy the babies up while they are freshly thinned.

    There is no reasoning with government and the crazy rules they make up. If it was made up of women with kids to care for their work could all be done in a few minutes and things would run smooth.
    Go wash your face and hands.
    Any bad language and I WILL wash your mouth with soap.
    Eat your vegetables.
    Play nice.
    That takes care of most of the problems!
    Take care and enjoy your dinner.
    A very Happy New Year!!! :)

  5. all these years I have known you and had NO IDEA you were a billionaire!
    Love you! Canot wait until Tuesday!!! SQUEEEE


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