Wednesday, November 28, 2012

So I Bought This Toilet Paper....

No really - this is actually a story worth telling.

I think that all women have at least a modest fear of running out of toilet paper. As a result, we pack it in like Army supply clerks, making sure a mental alarm goes off when we're down to our terrifying remaining 18 rolls. 

We actually have a small ledge in our garage that we affectionately call "Little Costco" because I feel the need to have toilet paper, paper towels and Ziploc bags in astonishing quantities on hand at all times.

However, because sometimes I actually do shop at big Costco, the brand selection varies. They do this to trick us. And to move Soviet style goods off their shelves and into the bathrooms of unsuspecting consumers like me.

So apparently, one day, I bought a magical, Jack and the Beanstalk style package of FREAKING ONE PLY TOILET PAPER at Costco!!

I moved it into our distribution system, unaware of my future peril, and so that meant it didn't surface in the rotation for months. 

One day, not knowing that life was about to forever change, a roll of this heinous affront to modern living worked its way onto the toilet paper roll.

This is a picture of me:


I had no idea that since the Berlin wall came down that one ply toilet paper was even MADE! It's so Orwellian!! 

And here's the Jack in the Beanstalk part of it - IT WILL NOT GO AWAY! This toilet paper has been sneaking into the rotation for a year! I swear it's replicating somewhere. And you can't really tell when you innocently put it on the holder what evil it holds. 

That's what I've been dealing with. 

Your sympathy is appreciated. 

To console myself, I stamp. 

In particular, I stamped along with our Queen for the Day challenge on Splitcoast honoring one of my favorite stampers - Gabby, or gabalot on Splitcoast. She seems like the kind of girl smart enough to avoid buying large quantities of communist TP. She's also a great stamper. You can see her gallery here.

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I love her one layer collage style so that's what I did with Snowflake Soiree, White Craft Ink, white gel pen, rhinestones and some tinsel trim. Fun and sparkly. Unlike commie TP.



  1. Oh...thanks for the lol today. You sound just like me...don't want to run out of TP or paper towels. Today I bought 1 scratch and dent box for $10.00 at our local Festival store......which was full of TP, (the one ply stuff) cheap I know, but it will last awhile. So the cabinet is full of paper, basement shelves loaded, like you said...don't want to run out. Like your card by the way :)

  2. ROTFLMAO... No pun intended ;) Your TP story has me in stitches. I can't tank you enough for making me laugh so hard!
    Keep on stamping, your work is always beautiful!
    Hoping your one ply comes to an end soon (ha-ha)!

  3. I have been in a rotten mood the last few weeks and I think it has been because I bought 1-ply by mistake and we've been using it up. Took forever. I will NEVER make this mistake again.

    Thanks for you blog -- love your humor and your cards.

  4. So I guess you'll be able to spare a square - but if it's one-ply......

    Lovely card!

  5. Oh my!!! You are hysterical! I have been laughing through this post!!!! Great card too!!! Love the beautiful snowflakes!

  6. Send it to me... I'm the complete opposite! I can't STAND the thick-as-felt stuff!

  7. Does that stuff hold ink well (no pun intended)? If so, with the holidays coming up, well...maybe die-cut flowers (using lots of layers, of course) put together into a bouquet could make a lovely gift for...someone? And just think -- if you move your Big Shot into...the could get the project done're tending to...other business?! Just a thought.

  8. Wait, you made a one-ply card in a post about how much you hate one-ply TP? you should have made your card with layers and layers of cushy ribbons.

    just reading this post made me feel freshy fresh.

  9. Ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahaha!!!! Oh Lydia, you are just too hysterical!!!! Have I told you lately how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading your blog! You make me happy all of the time! I am NOT a one-layer kind of girl, in TP or cards, but I think it's genius that you made the best of the one-ply dilemma by showing us how to make a gorgeous card with just one layer. Thanks for making my day start with laughter! (I plan on sharing you with my FB friends today, everyone needs a good laugh!)

    Peace, Love & Joy,

  10. YOU. CRACK. ME. UP.
    I literally laughed out loud. Little Cosco LOL ... last 18 rolls...
    this is so me!
    Now that I am done laughing, reality has set in. Are you really using ONE PLY TP? Honey, how much can one woman stand? I will pray for you.

    Love the card.

  11. My employer uses one ply and I don't get it; everyone will just end up using three times as much, so where are they saving? That cat pic would so be me if we had one ply. Hubby buys the TP in our house and he seems to have an unnatural fear of running out as well.

  12. I subscribe to over a hundred blogs, but yours is one I always read, you can make me laugh so hard! Watch out for Charmin's new Ultra Strong, it gave me paper cuts. LOL

  13. My reaction to this blog post? Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! And I resemble the remark about having a "Little Costco" but we just always referred to ours as "going to the store" (in the basement).

    I love your observations on life. If you weren't a stamper, I think you could be a stand-up comedian. (Right now you're a sit-down comedian, I think.)

  14. Sorry to hear about your 1 ply issues. I hope the last package I bought at Costco ISN'T 1 ply!! My problem is that their 2 ply seems to have expanded on the rolls. The last couple of packs I bought are too big. They "fit" on the spool, but they are so tight they don't ROLL! You have to remove them from the holder, take what you need, and replace it on the roll several times until it is low enough to roll without tearing off one square at a time.

  15. Ummm.... when did you move into my house and thoughts???! My nearest Costco is 90 miles away. By boat. Four and a half hours away. Can't drive there. I have to buy HUGE amounts of TP because I can't get to Costco very often. Down to 18 rolls would scare me to death! Too funny! More! Encore!!!

    Kris in Alaska
    funamom at yahoo dot com

  16. LMAO! HAHAHAHA! I'm still recovering from The Sickness, and every muscle in my body hurts I'm laughing so much! Did I ever tell you about the 1-ply paper at interstate rest stops? WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?! I just use twice as much. So pffth. But yes, it is evil and should be illegal.

    Although, a friend has a pseudo-B&B, and she told me they steal the real TP, so she puts 1-ply in the guest bathrooms. Yes, ma'am.

  17. HAHAHA... not all one ply sucks. I only buy one ply cause we have our own sewer system and 2 ply is bad for them. I actually hate buying the 2 ply, it will plug up the toilet.LOL


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