Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Feline Chaos At The Door To Narnia

I'm sure life with dogs is interesting and whatnot, but I'm fairly certain that it is not as exciting and terrifying as life with cats can be.

Yesterday - I was sitting in my office, working, and my husband was getting ready to get some gloves out of our linen closet so that he could go paint a shelving system he's building for our laundry room.

(By the way, this type of shelf is fascinating - if you like this sort of thing - go look up French cleats sometime.)

Right outside my door is a cat lounging station - a four slot black Expedit on legs that I bought from my friend Lani. On top, there's a little black cat mattress that my sister made. Not a mattress for a black cat, even though it IS for a black cat, but a little black mattress for a cat. You know what I mean.

Since this unit is almost four feet tall, Maddie loves ruling the world from up there and can be found on it frequently.

However, because of the proximity to the linen closet, it is also the center of one of her many terrorist operations. Every time you open that door she shoots onto your back at about 60 miles per hour, with a claw assist. When Maddie hits you, even though she only weighs 6 pounds, it's with the force of a cannonball, and you frequently have no warning, so you have to have your wits about you. It's as if she knows that her petite weight must be made up for in velocity - sort of like a ballistics expert. Hmm - that's another indication of why we should fear them. Splotchy makes a little trilling warning sound right before he jumps onto your shoulder - like the sound the raptors make in Jurassic Park - and he also doesn't hit you with the same velocity - so it's much less alarming and painful. Please refer to my article on feline echolocation for more information on Splotchy's technique.

Well before getting the gloves, he apparently also set a cup of water on the cat lounging station, which was the trigger for an event which would plunge our house into complete chaos for two hours.

I drew it out on a Post-It note for you.

So all I hear is the door opening, and then a HUGE crash, some cuss words, another crash, hissing and the sound of cat claws slipping and sliding on the tile as they try to get away.

Out of the corner of my eye, because my chair faces the door of my office, I see two huge fluffy tails shooting out of eyeshot.


He tells me he set the water down on the cat lounging station, and when he went to open the closet door (we are positive they think it's the door to Narnia), both cats snuck up on him - Splotchy to the left of the open door. Maddie makes her move - trying a compound jump - first to the cat lounging station and then onto his shoulder, but in mid-air, she sees the cup of water - too late. She slams into the water, scaring the living pee out of herself, and the cup flies through the air, raining down its contents on the completely innocent and now confused and terrified Splotchy - who hisses and tries to get away, completely soaking wet. Maddie, who is not very good at understanding the consequences of her actions, is also terrified and confused, and so she freaks out and runs away, with a serious case of the big tail.

Every time we try to approach either of them to calm them down, they completely lose their little furry minds and hide - EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! THIS WAS A COMPLETE CAT-GENERATED SITUATION.

This lasts for two hours, with poor wet Splotchy shooting underneath furniture every time he hears a sound or sees anything move, and Maddie acting all indignant that the floor is wet.

Never a dull moment, I swear.

I made this card for Dina's Hope You Can Cling To challenge which is a GORGEOUS orange inspiration board from Pinterest.

The tree is from Among the Branches, and I inked it up and then wiped some of the ink off in places, to give the illusion of leaves in front of the branches. The rest is Brusho.

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Yes, good things are going to happen.

But if you have cats, some really surprising and terrifying and hilarious things are going to happen.

When you least expect them.


PS - did I mention Ronda Wade is a guest presenter at my retreat? Because she is. You'd better sign up now. :)


  1. Shame the camera wasnt on. Would have been one of those Candid Camera moments that would give you giggles fo years to come. Love your card, you have truly masters the Brushos.

  2. Such an apt description of having psycho cats - I mean cats. I'm really getting to believe they're trying to kill us.

  3. This is one reason I love cats! They are so entertaining and hilarious, especially when they decide to do something sneaky to someone else! As my husband says, "it's all about the cats"!

  4. I am still laughing. OMGosh, so funny. Well, to me, 1100+ miles away, with a dry floor and no wet cats.

  5. What an "ADVENTURE" :)
    YES, I say it with a SMILE because I can TOTALLY RELATE to the sequence of events and the CHAOS that followed ... I know it is TWISTED, but it does feel good to know that we're not alone!!!
    Nearly forgot to say, LOVE your BEAUTIFUL card!!!

  6. What a story. I love cars. I have 2 two year old brothers. Sometimes completely bonkers.

  7. Soooooo...On my way to turning off the computer.....Feline Chaos caught my eye and I just had to stop by and read. Hilarious story! Never a dull moment for sure. Your card is as gorgeous as your story is funny!

  8. First - lovely card ( your cards are , after all , the reason I follow your blog ) . I also have a cat who provides comfort and companionship , and also chaos . Like two mornings ago she awakened me with what I call a " rip around " the house , accompanied by loud caterwailing .. I was trying to ignore her but really could not ignore nature's call , so I got up , fully awake by this time . I made a coffee and came into the den to check on the web world - usually Annie comes with me and sits on the computer keyboard - not this time - so I went to check on her and she was quite comfortably settled in my bed - where she stayed sleeping soundly for the next 2 hours - sigh . Cats - gotta love 'em - right ?

  9. Well between Feline Chaos and Narnia in your Headline, either one of them would keep me reading. Oh, beware of those cat attacks! That is so funny, but I can feel the claw assist and that I know is not so funny! Great story and a beautiful card!

  10. If you weren't a fantastic artist, I would subscribe to your blog anyway...What fantastic writing, too.... My belly-laughs scare my cat into motion as I read.....

  11. You really have this Brusho thing down. That card is lovely...and the sentiment is fab. As to the cats, since they can't be tamed, I have no suggestions to relieve the flying feline syndrome, although, having a claw-bearing cat jump on your back, at any weight, sounds disconcerting, to say the least. If mine did that with all of her 11 lbs., I'd be down for the count. Yikes.

  12. Cat people are very different from the norm -- we must be to love them so much in spite of the terror they can bring into their surroundings! Must admit they also bring me love, comfort, and lots of laughter with their individual personalities and quirks.

    I really like this card and always enjoy reading your blogs.

  13. ha ha I was actually watching Prince Caspian (for the umpteenth time) with my kids when I saw your post. Love your picture of the event! :-) x

  14. If I was drinking milk while reading your story - I'd have milk shooting out of my nose! I have two cats so I can totally relate!

  15. I snorted a little Diet Coke reading this one too! Thanks for the laughs! You are incredibly descriptive! Love the card too. Brilliant work with Brushos!

  16. I am so in love with this card! But, your Maddie story is so perfect. Sounds like what I call a "incidentt" in my home with my Simon and Maggie Mae...always up to something...and pour Simon did not learn that he had more than a head for years...still today he forgets that he has a body and causes complete madness....

  17. OMG.....that is hillarious! The cats, not the card. The card is beautiful, like every other one you make!

  18. What an absolutely gorgeous card! I love that beautiful foliage!

  19. OK, this post had me doing some serious laughing out loud. Love your stick picture, too! I totally get it as a fellow cat lover. They can always entertain you!

  20. Absolutely gorgeous. Love the effect you created so that leaves appear to be in front of the tree branches. Genius!

  21. OhMyGosh! Your cat story literally made me laugh until I cried!!! I grew up with cats, so I can picture every crazy second of this fiasco! So freakin' funny!!! But at the same time, you can't help feeling sorry for the poor kitties. But it's so freakin' funny! LOL :)
    Your card is very pretty by the way, but the laugh I got for your story is even better! :) LOL


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