A Few Words for my Dad

Several of you have asked me if I'd share what I said at my dad's funeral with you, and I will do that after today's card.

But the most important thing you should know is that my dad was a very positive person, which is something I believe he gave to all three of his kids.

He wasn't positive in a Pollyanna way, or for the sake of being positive. He had two things that worked together to make him positive. He had a very strong sense of agency - he knew that he and only he was responsible for his happiness and his situation, and so he was responsible for it, and made the sensible choice to make it good and happy. But he also had a sense of perspective that's lacking in this world. He believed there are a very small number of things worth getting your tail in a knot over, and our current environment seems to be quite the opposite. Sometimes it puzzles people why I won't talk about politics, or listen to endless, over-hyped news stories that have zero impact on my daily life - this is why. I feel centered in my own life as my dad did, and I know what I can control, and attempts to manipulate my feelings about things fail miserably with me. I'm grateful for that, among the other things you'll read below.

My dad has life in my love of routine as well. His routine was pretty sacred - he used the same toothpaste and Listerine all his life - ate Cheerios pretty much every day, along with other breakfasty things, some of which were horrifying but he loved them. The same brands of food were on his table when he died as were in my first memories as a kid in our kitchen.

Most scientists have a lot of disorder around them - their offices or working spaces, but there was also a lot of order, and I have that too. I like the same pattern to my days, and I love nothing more than to work on what I love all day and night, and he did too - right until his literal last moments. I hope I exit with a paintbrush in my hand.

So my card today is for that positivity, sense of practicality and centeredness, and that love of a daily ritual. I hope the subject matter makes sense. If not, give me a little grace, as I am still in shock, but I thought the image was a perfect summary.

I used this sweet heart egg image, stamped in Fadeout Ink. I discovered an egg is actually pretty hard to color since it's mostly NOT colored. I added just a hint of a grey shadow that you see in the egg white here and there, and some crispy brown at the edges. The yolk is my beloved Aussie Red Gold, and I was careful to leave some highlights. The "sky" around the sunny egg is Manganese Blue Hue. All of it is done with Daniel Smith on Cold Press watercolor paper.

The sentiment is from this set and is stamped in Nocturne - so crisp. I matted the watercolor paper in Lemon Drop cardstock.

Impression Obsession Rubber Stamps... [ IST ] Impression Obsession Rubber Stamps... [ IST ] Fadeout No Line coloring Detail Ink [ INK ] VersaFine Clair Ink Pad, Nocturne -... [ ELH | SSS ] Heavy Base Weight Card Stock- White -... [ GNK ] Heavy Base Weight Card Stock- Lemon... [ GNK ] Fabriano Extra White Cold Press... [ BLIC ] Aussie Red Gold [ BLIC ] Manganese Blue Hue - Daniel Smith... [ BLIC ] Daniel Smith Extra Fine Watercolors [ BLIC ] Escoda Versatil Brushes, Travel Round... [ UTR | BLIC | INK ] Da Vinci Cosmotop Sable Mix F Brushes... [ BLIC | ELH ] MISTI Stamping Tool [ MSW | HA | SSS | ELH | MFT | UNT ] Lawn Fawn STAMP SHAMMY Cleaner LF1045 [ SSS | ELH | CST | ART ] Rotatrim Professional Series Cutter -... [ BLIC ] Nesting Porcelain Bowls - BLICK art... [ BLIC ] My Favorite Watercolor Sketchbook [ UTR ] Tombow MONO MULTI Liquid Glue Two... [ SSS | MFT | ART | BLIC | ELH ] LightView 2in1 LED Magnifier for... [ BRG ] Mudder 10 Pack White Buffer Sanding... [ AMZUS ] Xyron ADHESIVE ERASER 23675 [ SSS | ART | AMZUS ] Essentials by Ellen Storage... [ ELH ] Die Storage - Clear Storage Pockets... [ CHC ] XL Stamp Storage Pockets [ ELH ] Teflon Bone Folder - Ellen Hutson LLC [ ELH | SSS ]

So here's what I said at his service.

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My dad would not want us to be sad today, so I’m going to try really hard not to be sad.

You already know how accomplished my dad was as a giant of mathematics and cryptography, but that’s just a part of what a father gives a child, so I want to tell you what my dad gave me.

My dad’s favorite color was orange. It was probably my least favorite color as a child - my favorite color has always been blue - specifically a turquoise blue. One of the most re-told stories from my childhood took place in a Howard Johnson’s - whose color scheme was orange and blue - a combo I did not like as a kid. It was in a Howard Johnson’s that my parents forced me to eat some rotten spaghetti despite my complaints. My sister finally tasted it, and went white as a sheet as she told my parents something was very, very wrong. My dad, who felt really bad about making me eat it, put me on his shoulders for the walk to the car, during which I exacted revenge by beginning my 48 hours of barfing by throwing the spaghetti up all over his head. I think in the end, he accepted his punishment humbly and it was a story we loved to retell. I did not eat spaghetti again until I was nearly 40.

My dad read to me every night when I was little - he’d rub my back and take me to worlds filled with Hobbits and Mad Hatters and black panthers who befriended little boys. His love of language and the written and spoken word shaped everything that’s in my world that I cherish. His love of cryptography became my love of true crime and puzzles, cards, games and mysteries. Although he liked to gently tease us liberal arts types - my sister and I - we actually found our passions were branches of the same tree. He was probably my most faithful blog reader, and sometimes I’d write or say things he said made him feel like I was his journalist father, shape shifted into his strong-willed and arty female child. I love that through my writing I got to repay the gift he gave me of reading to me daily. He was a fantastic, poetic writer himself, and I’ve saved every philosophical email he’s sent me.

He had a quality that could be maddening at a restaurant, but is the key to life, the universe and everything, and that was that he was filled with wonder. He ended a lot more sentences with a question mark than with any other type of punctuation, and the world could use more of that. This will make some family members chuckle - but he had the most open mind I think I’ve ever run across - open in the sense of being willing to question and study and consider all the things. He loved nothing more than to hear about the strange behavioral quirks of my two kitties or to hear stories from my work he could puzzle over. His first instinct was never to judge something - just to ask questions until he understood. Again, the world could use more of that.

He loved his family deeply, and we had a long conversation about that at the last lunch we ever had a little while ago - and I think he knew there were important things he had to tell me because I think he knew he had to go. He took care of all of us in a million ways, especially my mom, and I will be forever grateful for that. He gave great, simple advice - and here are some of my favorites. Those of you who are younger than me - pay attention.

• Live east of where you work.
• Nothing good happens after midnight.
• Never have a personalized license plate and vary your routine.
• Always back into a parking space.
• Take vitamins.
• No unprotected left turns.
• Don’t heat plastic or store food in it. In general, avoid plastic.
• TV and plastic are mostly garbage.

As my artist brain developed after college, and I began to understand complementary colors, I realized the real value of contrast in art and in life. I look around my little orange and turquoise office and studio I work in daily, and I think of our two favorite colors and how they make each other better. Now and then I think of HoJo and it makes me smile.

I’m glad I named my website based on the last line of a Carl Sandburg story I requested he read to me often. It ends like this: “Only the fireborn understand blue.” He loved Carl Sandburg, so that’s how I will close - with one of his favorite scenes from the Rootabaga stories.

“Do you wish a ticket to go away and come back or do you wish a ticket to
go away and never come back?” the ticket agent asked wiping sleep out of his eyes.
   “We wish a ticket to ride where the railroad tracks run off into the sky and never
come back—send us far as the railroad rails go and then forty ways farther yet,”
was the reply of Gimme the Ax.
   “So far? So early? So soon?” asked the ticket agent wiping more sleep out of his
eyes. “Then I will give you a new ticket. It blew in. It is a long slick yellow leather
slab ticket with a blue spanch across it.”

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Loveyameanitbye.