Set the Cantaloupe Fields On Fire

We all have them.

Even the most adventurous among us.

I don't consider myself a picky eater at all - but I think I base that on my love of most vegetables. Except beets. Beets are Satan's work. Oh and okra. I don't eat vegetables with fur. And of course green bell peppers, which are also Satan's work.

Well anyway, my point is I do not consider myself a picky eater UNTIL I start going down my list of quirks.

I hate seafood. Blech. I consider shellfish to be ocean bugs. Or, in the case of the god-forsaken crawdad - sewer bugs. Fish is gross. Unless it's sushi, in which case it's delicious. Quirky, right? I used to confound my parents by going to Luby's, ordering fried fish, and then just eating the batter with tartar sauce. I considered the fish just a molding prop for the delicious cornflake crust. I do like tunafish though. I consider myself exempt from criticism on this because I grew up on a giant, boiling hot savannah, a.k.a. Texas.

I'm only allergic to one food - and that's horseradish. I really don't even like to be within a few feet of that noxious plant, but I do love radishes and ginger - I'm OBSESSED with ginger actually.

I can't eat anything gelatinous. Jell-O makes me want to barf. I've tried to track down this phobia, and I think it's because I had tapioca while recovering from the removal of my appendix when I was in 4th grade and I just got gelatin PTSD. But I don't think I liked it much before that either, even though my childhood friends loved it. And then when I made a homemade gel printing plate from unflavored gelatin a few years ago and almost DIED from the smell of that, and realized they just cover that up with colors and flavors and smells for regular Jell-O - HORRORS. It seriously smells like death.

And speaking of food that smells like death - let's go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room. Or should I say the DEAD elephant in the room - cantaloupe.

Cantaloupe should be banished from the earth. And it should take honeydew melon with it. I feel like cantaloupe is some gross marriage between a pumpkin and a NORMAL melon, like a watermelon, which is God's gift to overheated Texans. Cantaloupe has a nasty, squash-like flavor (and I love all squash, BTW, but not mixed with melons) coming through its lame attempt at melonhood. Set the cantaloupe fields on fire.

I do not approve.

So today, on my walk, I was laughing HYSTERICALLY at my audiobook, because it was saying all these things that are in my head.

I think this was recommended to me by my friend and artistic idol - Dina. She's a huge fan of Jim's as am I, but I had only seen the comedy shows prior to this book. His comedy is very clean, which I really like. But his rants on food make me think that we actually might have been separated at birth.

Here are a few examples - here are his/my thoughts on oysters:

“Often on the menu, oysters will be listed as “oysters on the half shell.” As opposed to what? “In a Kleenex?” Even the way you are supposed to eat an oyster indicates something counterintuitive. “Squeeze some lemon on it, a dab of hot sauce, throw the oyster down the back of your throat, take a shot of vodka, and try to forget you just ate snot from a rock.” That is not how you eat something. That is how you overdose on sleeping pills.”

And this on avocados:

"Avocados are so delicious they should just petition to be reclassified a cheese.”

So true. And his tour of each state's signature dish just had me laughing like a crazy person alone in the woods this morning. Especially his observations about southern food. I HIGHLY recommend this audiobook if you want a laugh. He's the narrator, which closes the deal. Here's the real book, if you like that sort of thing.

So that brings me to today's project, which revolves around one of the world's most perfect foods - watermelon.

One of my team members was having trouble putting together the Curvy Keepsake box, and so I told her I would shoot a quick video for her, because I thought I knew what was happening. The two pieces that overlap have a square corner and a rounded corner, and you just want to line them up on the square corner. So I cut the pieces from Watermelon Wonder and sat down to do the video.

And while I was doing it it struck me that this box would make the PERFECT watermelon!! I don't know if I'm the first person to think of this, but I was pretty excited about it when I thought of it.

Check out how cute this is.

Built for Free Using: My Stampin Blog

MEEP! I love it!

So I did a little video for you - super quick with just the alignment tips for the box.

(PS - If you order the Curvy Keepsake Box from me before the end of July, you will receive 4 hand watercolored backgrounds from me to use on your card fronts!)

And THAT my friends, is the only melon worth eating. Or crafting.

The rest are decoys. You've been warned.

Loveyameanitbye.