Sunday, November 6, 2011

I Invented Something Awesome



 As usual, this invention came to me when I was in the grocery store.


Once again, everyone had their stupid juice before reporting to work this morning, so the aisles were full of pallets, there were no bags in the produce section, and none of the self check lines were open. Sheesh. You'd think someone had disrupted the time-space continuum today or something. Oh wait - well, nevermind.

Anyway, as I stood in the mile long line for the express lane, and the howler monkey children of Mr. Oblivious behind me crawled all over my cart and my back, I had a flash of inspiration.

You know that everyone's pet peeve is the express lane loser with 17 items acting innocent under the 10 items only sign, right?

Well since we have scanners, why don't we use them for something other than a shockingly loud beep?

Here's my idea.

Each time an item is scanned, it's added to the express lane tally. Once the number of items allowed in that lane is exceeded, a red police light on top of the lane starts flashing, a police style siren sounds and a loud, recorded voice comes over the store loudspeaker saying "MAXIMUM NUMBER OF ITEMS EXCEEDED ON EXPRESS LANE NUMBER TWO. MAXIMUM NUMBER OF ITEMS EXCEEDED ON EXPRESS LANE NUMBER TWO." Over and over, like the voice of Big Brother in 1984, the shaming message will be bellowed until a manager arrives at the lane, scoops up all the items over the allotted number and flings them into a restocking bin to be put back on the shelf. The offender gets one of those fluorescent orange round stickers they put on your Coke boxes unceremoniously stuck on his shirt so that people in the parking lot will recognize him as an Express Lane Transgressor and shake their heads and mutter at him on the way into the store.

I'd be ever so grateful for such technology.

Speaking of grateful, I'm grateful that Holly posted this awesome telescoping image technique (not to be confused with the telescoping card technique) for the Try a New Technique challenge.

I was a wee bit of a rebel and alternated colors on mine, but I really like the way it turned out!

Stamps: Leaves of a Tree, Always Thankful Ink: Basic Black, Poppy Parade, Summer Sun Paper: Whisper White, Domestic Goddess DSP Accessories: Rhinestones, corner rounder, Circle die, Circle punches

Snazzy, eh? I need to try this with images for coloring and with larger stamps - it's really fun.

What are you peeps up to today? I hope that you plan to head for the grocery store. I also hope you snicker to yourself in the checkout line, picturing the siren and the red flashing light. :)  


14 comments:

  1. Great card, Lydia! However, I love your express lane punishment ever better, haha! GENIUS :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG, yes! And it should also spit out a coupon for a lesson in how to count. ;) Seriously. Even my four year old can count to 20.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love your invention! Or we could go truly distopic & plant conscience chips in the brains of naughty people who take advantage with 17 items in the 10 item lane! (Kidding, mostly.) But those people are the "phoozest" for sure. LOL. You are hilarious & your rebellious telescoping image is the best I've seen! I love the way the colours alternate & the shape of the tree is so lovely with all those fronds on the outside. TOO BEautiFul! ("phoozest" ROFLMBO best anti spam word ever.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMGYESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! How fantastic would THAT be??!?!

    I, too, plan to CASE this card, maybe even RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, as that stamp is out and uninked. Thanks! :)

    wv: ratee
    The revolving red light would rat out the ratee transgressor.

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMGosh lady, you crack me up! Yes, please! My local grocery needs one of those NOW! What's even worse is when you stand there with the other customers and TALK about the person who's in violation of the limit and they STILL don't get it!

    GREAT card, too! I have to check out that technique!

    Oh, and here's my sentence.... "I cannot come up with any possible way to use 'prowbha' in a sentence!"

    ReplyDelete
  6. First - love the card. What a great way to feature that technique.

    Second - I would love to see your new invention installed in grocery stores. Then maybe some people would understand that 20 items count for 20 items and you don't get special dispensation if you have 2 of this and 3 of that and only count them as 1!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, I seriously love your card. I may even use that technique for club this week. TFS!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great card! I have to check out this technique.

    Yesterday, I was THAT person. In my defense, I went and got in a regular line that was two buggies long and the manager came up and took my cart and said "They can get you at lane #3, no waiting." But it was a 15 item lane and I had at least 25 items. "No, no, I can wait", I said. But no, they made me go. And then I spent the next 5 minutes apologizing to the checker that the manager was the one who made me come over. It was awful.

    Now I need to proofread to see if I had any tophypos in this comment.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love your invention. Except, blush, if I have 11 items I'll chance the 10 items queue. But more than that and I don't think I could bring myself to.
    My gripe this week was when I was posting off my Hope cards, and since they were in a shoe box I didn't have much choice about the post office. Mid-term break here, so the kids are off school and some child who was old enough to know better was scribbling all over the counter while his mother was being served. More power to the clerk - the mother was leaving and he made her come back and clean the counter, but the rest of us had to wait.
    Now, if you'd discovered a bling tree, that would be a second invention worth shouting about - and we'd all be wanting cuttings from it :D.
    Sunday is nearly over here, waah, but I made good inroads in getting some more French holiday photos uploaded; since we're back over 6 weeks I count that a good achievement!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'll invest in it. When does this go into production? Great post. Great card, too.
    jean Cross
    Use of word verification which is flutchet--oh, come on, are you really going to make me write what is so obvious?

    ReplyDelete
  11. we don't have an auto-checkout at the Milwaukee Piggly Wiggly, so the quantity violators have to be manually stopped and waterboarded. No prob, it's good PR for the boys at Tru Valu. "Canconta" a device for counting cans passing through an automated express lane.

    ReplyDelete
  12. how very funny, I agree....and i love your blog....the card is a stunner, thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my gosh ..
    Literally I was "choosing" a line at Target today, and figured I didn't qualify for either of the 2 open express lanes. So I dutifully stood in line behind someone with papers to fill out, and two separate transactions, and extra chitty chat. Only to watch someone zip through the express with more stuff than I had in my cart of 7 items. Ppppfffffttt! YES! I'll be giggling next time! And BTW .. I adore that telescoping image! Ya done great!

    ReplyDelete

Every time you leave a comment, a new LOLcat is born.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...